Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Torture Tuesday

I feel like a robot, and not the cool dancing kind either. My job leaves little room for variety. I go in and do the same damn thing every day, in pretty much the same order. It becomes fairly monotonous after about a week, and I've been doing the same job for over 2 years.
I'm most certainly not complaining about my job. I don't think anyone should really be complaining about their job, especially considering the way the economy is right now.
It's just I feel that I'm not using my full potential. There is so much more I could be doing but can't. I think I really just want some more meaningful responsibility. I'm stuck in a repetitive rut.
Ben Franklin said it pretty good one time: The definition of Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Maybe I'm just insane thinking that something will change after 2 years.
Wow, I've been mad for a long time then.

But then again, my job's not all bad, I work with some pretty cool cats, and some not so cool ones. The nice thing about my coworkers is that all of our differences with one another are well known. Any dispute is resolved and talked about with out (too many) bad feelings involved. Like any other place though there is the unavoidable "drama". Usually concocted by one person to gain some sort of enjoyment out of the day by seeing people run around like decapitated chickens, trying to find out "Why something would say that?" or "OMG SERIOUSLY?! SHE DID THAT?!" (I do believe I'm either bordering, or have crossed the run on sentence line with that last one.)

Personally, I'm not a fan of the workplace drama. I keep my nose out of other people's shit. If you want to talk to me about something someone else may have said I'll listen. But if you want me to take your "side" I'll tell you where to go.

But even with all that said, at the end of the day, I have a job. One that I'm good at and pays decently. I shouldn't complain about my coworkers. I've been working on this flaw of mine for a while. I believe I've made progress.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Who Am I?


That question has been popping up a lot in my head lately, and I honestly don't know how to answer that question.
I could answer it in a cliche way and say something like:

Hi, I'm Erica. I'm loved, hated, determined, sometimes lazy...and pretty much any other generic term I can get out of my thesaurus.

How does that define a person? I'm not really sure how to define myself without sounding so utterly unoriginal. Or maybe I just really am unoriginal?

Maybe I need to go on a soul seeking journey. I don't even know how to do that. Do I have to travel? Do I have to do it alone? Can I just go on a long walk in the forest? And most preferably for me; Can I do it at home? Or is there a soul seeking kit that I can buy at the mall?

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Truth Be Told...

I love sitting at home doing absolutely nothing. I don't care if I see anyone, or anything. I just really like to be at home. I think it's actually really bad how much of a homebody I've become. I used to love going out with people and doing things even if it was just going out to the bar to get hammered. And when I stopped going out it was purely a monetary reason. It costs way too much to go out and drink so why not stay in and do it? So I started to do that but my friends still wanted to go out every damn weekend, I'm sorry I do not make enough money to be able to afford that. I never actually could afford it.
I only went out so much because I was pleasing my friends then one day I woke up and said fuck it, I'm going to do what I want. That was, staying in and not doing a lot. And then that grew into extreme homebodiness, that's not even a word but it's what happened. I don't even try to make up excuses anymore I just say flat out I don't want to go out tonight
Is there something wrong with me?
I'm feeling conflicted. Like maybe I should just go out next time I'm invited but I know I don't want to, so why should I do something just because I know it will make others happy. I mean I love seeing my friends happy, but if it's going to cost me $100 I'm not sure I want to be doing that.
I don't even know if I should really be feeling bad about enjoying staying in so much. I've spent a lot of money on my house lately and I want to enjoy it.
I'm obviously confused about this.

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